To let go and breathe

Whitney is now 13 months old and truly a toddler. This past month, since she has gotten mobile on her own two feet, has really grown into her personality. She is walking all the time now, and hardly ever resorts to crawling, clearly crawling is for babies. She loves playing with Tilly and teasing him with his toys. She rolls around the ground or on a blanket with her play cell phone or looks at her flash cards. She has books all over the house and can be seen sitting down and looking at the pictures. Skype has been so great, my parents get to see her at least once or twice a week, just playing and interacting with them or the dog. It's pretty nice for them to see each other, and for them to see her "in action" even if just for a few minutes.

Another huge milestone was reached, she is now completely of bottles. Her pediatrician highly suggested we try to get her off the bottle and 1, and at 13 months she finally took to it. Her babysitter was really on board and helped out a lot, I packed all the bottle supplies up last night and purchased more sippy cups. It feels so good to not have to deal with bottles anymore!

We've been staying busy on the weekends while Andy is working. Either going to the pool, playing or shopping, she is such so much fun to be around. I can see at this age is where it is hard to go to work, you just want to play with your child and enjoy their time. It just means that the weekends mean so  much more now and to truly enjoy the time you do get with them.

Every now and then I'll google "cooling blanket" or "HIE" and the worries and fears coming flooding back to me. I see Whitney doing so well and am just so thankful and feel so blessed and remind myself to look at her, not those webpages. In the beginning I felt like i was always holding my breath, not knowing how she would react or what the next big challenge was going to be. And here she is, walking all over the house, babbling, and being a toddler, just as we had hoped and prayed and dreamed. I can exhale now, and that's what feels so good.

....and she's off!

I think a light switch got turned on today in Whitney, for the first time, I think she walked around the house more than she crawled. She has been walking from one end of the house to the other, turning corners, stepping over toys, and coming to find me when I'm in another room. It is still so different to see her upright, rather than crawling, and getting so proficient at it too. Today she was even standing so much more on her own, rather than pulling herself to a climb. It's so mind boggling to see her go from a sit, to a stand and then take off walking. She was even carrying books and toys in her hands, getting more steady on her feet. She has learned all of this in such a short period of time, last month at this time she was just taking her first steps.

I couldnt help but get teary eyed tonight as she was toddering toward me. I can so distinctly remember a nurse at the hospital telling me "oh I cant wait to see Whitney running down these halls some day" and me wondering if she truly ever would. I had so many worries and wonders and prayers on if she would ever learn to walk, and here she is. ....and there she goes!

What a year this has been - Whitney turns "1"

So that is that, one year in the books. Whitney celebrated her first birthday on June 23rd, while we were spending the weekend in Savannah, GA.
These past few weeks have really lent themselves to some major reflection on the past year for me.
When I think back to June 23rd of last year, I remember the anticipation and excitement, right up to Whitney's birth. We even have a photo somewhere of Andy and I smiling so excitedly, such goofy grins, as I'm about to be wheeled into the operating room. I want to say that it was the happiest day of my life, even better than our wedding day. Instead I'm forced to relive the most horrifying, difficult and emotional experience of my life. Not exactly a day I'll be able to shake from my memory anytime soon.

I cant help but think and replay the phone calls and questions and sleepless, teary nights that followed that day, June 23rd, 2011. Not sleepless because we had a newborn baby keeping us up at night, but rather a baby who was whisked off in some sort of contraption, that I only got to meet for a mere few minutes and was left wondering if she would even make it to the next hospital, which was an hour away. Teary becuase as i walked the halls of the nursery floor and noticed how all the rooms had pink or blue on the door, mine had nothing. I was the room who's "baby wasn't there..." or the room that people left with tears in their eyes. Even just tying this, it all sounds like such a cruel joke.

I'm still left with the small pang of jealousy when I think of others who have been blessed with a storybook birth, one that would be suitable for "The Baby Story" on TLC or written eloquently in a baby book to be shared and remembered for years to come. I still havent written Whitney's story of her birth in that baby book. Suppose this blog would suffice? Writing it down in such a cute colorful book just doesnt seem fair to both Whitney and me.

Instead, that book and the memories to follow are filled with better times. Times of jubilation and excitment over the smallest milestones. The first roll-over, the first sit-up, stand-up, the list goes on. Whitney has continued to amaze all who know her from the first day she spent at home (almost a month after she was born mind you). The support, prayers and encouragement this past year has been overwhelmingly wonderful.

Whitney, is a perfect, beautiful little girl in every shape and form. She has proven strength and perserverance. She bagan taking steps on my birthday, June 14th, a milestone we didn't know if she would ever meet. She continues to toddle and walk and can go farther distances each day. Anyone who has met her will agree she is so good natured, eats like a champ, and is literally a WALKING miracle. I still can't help but look at her and think "how did we get so lucky?" Each day, as she is gaining her independence and creating her own personality I really do think she is right where she is supposed to be.

I'm ending this post from an email my Mom wrote to me on Whitney's birthday. I couldnt have said it better myself...

What an incredible year!  The worrying, wondering and waiting  have all proved to let God take care of all our prayer intercessions.   We still pray every day for that miracle to keep on happening in Whitney  - God has blessed her and our families!!!

Baby steps, my friend

Tonight, Whitney hit a HUGE milestone, taking a few steps on her own. We had been hearing from the babysitter that she was getting pretty brave and taking some baby steps, but tonight Andy and I were able to see it together, for the first time. It wasn't necessarily pretty, but she definitely took baby steps. Of course we skyped my parents right away, and she then decided to be stubborn. She's standing by herself for much longer periods of time, and just getting more and more brave to put one foot in front of the other. This is such a huge milestone for us, something that makes me burst with pride.

Whitney is changing so much in just these past few weeks. She is "talking" non-stop, getting more mischievous, and being so silly. We've recently purchased a baby gate for the steps, two new front facing carseats and new stroller. I can't help but remember when we were trying to figure out her infant car seat, practicing with a stuffed animal, and learning how to use the stroller. I mean, that was literally 2 months ago right?  I cannot believe that was a year ago already. Getting ready to put bottles away, transitioning from formula to whole milk...where is our baby going?

True, I do feel pangs of sadness, but really, I am overjoyed. I am so thankful for this wonderful year we've had and all the blessings Whitney has brought us, but I'm sure I'll elaborate more on that, for her one year post....until then...

11 months, almost made it to "1"!

Another whole month has passed, I feel as if I was just typing up Whitney's "milestones" and here is another month of new ones. We've stayed pretty busy in the last month, heading on our first family vacation (to Amelia Island, FL) and Whitney and I made another trip back to WI. We had a few really busy weeks, so it feels great to be back at home and getting back into our normal routines.

Whitney is so close to taking her first steps I can hardly believe it. She moves along furniture with ease and lets go of things and stands on her own for a few seconds before plopping down. She just needs some more confidence to take those first steps on her own. We also figured out she can climb stairs no problem either. Luckily she isn't too interested in the steps at our house...yet. I'm sure we'll be investing in a baby gate sometime in the near future.

While on vacation we got to celebrate my very first Mother's Day, what a special day Andy made for us. My girlfriends and I (also Mom's) were treated to a spa day with manicures and pedicures. Whitney also made me a I love Mom mug with the babysitter, a new coffee favorite. And as for Whitney, she enjoyed her first time on the beach, much sand was eaten, and she was dunked twice in the pool. She's becoming quite the water baby.

Babbling away and generally being a really happy baby, we couldn't be more proud. She brings me to tears on an almost daily basis. She has overcome so many odds, done so much more than I ever would have imagined in this short time. Every movement, every breath, every smile, I am delighted. Of course as we are nearing a year it just causes you to reflect even more on her life thus far. I'm sure I'll write more on that next month, but as for now, we are bursting with love.

Milestones include: Eating most everything / letting go of furniture / crawling up stairs / I give kisses / I get a bath at 8 and bottle at 8:30 I sleep until 7:30 / I went on my first vacation / I flew to WI again, this makes 5 times / I am curious!

10 months old

As I am typing this I realize I am a little late on this post, so let's call it 10 months and a week.
Whitney is changing so much, almost on a daily basis. She is getting such a personality and is constantly learning to do new things and turning into quite the explorer. The days of her sitting on her butt and playing quietly are now in the past, as she scurries to one toy to the next, pulls herself up and moving along furniture and is amusing herself with Tilly, possibly her new best friend.

She's standing up in her crib in the morning when I come to get her and I cant help but giggle. She plays tug with Tilly and is learning how to follow him around the house, it's quite possibly the most endearing thing I have seen her do. And when she giggles and smiles at me, that's when I thank God.

My parents have been watching her on Skype lately and I think they find her pretty funny. She's crawling all over (one foot on the ground, one knee on the ground) digging in her toy box and then chasing Tilly...I love to see them laughing at her and her antics. They may be far away, but Skype brings us so much closer. As they wave and smile at her and she attacks the computer, that's when I thank God.

The love I feel for her, this true, raw, heart wrenching love, is a love people told me about but I could never understand. I get it now. I know I'm not alone on this feeling, and I'm sure many can relate, but man it feels incredible. I've had 10 months of this precious baby and when I think back to her coming into this world and how far she's come, that's when I thank God.

Milestones include:
*Starting to eat grinded up adult food / * Like to pull myself up on everything and walk along furniture / * I can walk behind a push toy / * I generally like to go to thinkgs I'm not supposed to / * Bat at 8:00 and sleep until 7:30 / * I crawl with one foot on the ground / * I flew to WI again, this makes 4 times / * I have 5 teeth / * Mom heard me say "Tilly"...could this by my first word??

Taking the time to be thankful

This past month has been so much fun watching Whitney grow and develop. She has gotten so much stronger and is doing so many new things in such a short period of time. When my parents came to visit at the beginning of March, Whitney wasn’t even sitting herself up on her own, and just learning to crawl. Now when we were in WI this past week she is pulling herself up to a stand and cruising along furniture. She is crawling and loving the fact she can stand and sit, stand and sit. She’s pushing carts with wheels and walking behind them. In fact, it almost seems as if she is close to standing on her own and possibly walking. Saying those words makes me so proud and excited.

For the past few weeks I’ve started jogging again and decided I would just have to wake up before the rest of the family in the morning to fit this in throughout the day. There sure is something to be said about running in the morning and watching the sunrise and welcome the day. I’m alone with my thoughts and almost on a daily basis do I think about the images and conversations I experienced when Whitney was born and during that first very uncertain month. There are images and conversations that only Andy and I will ever know. I’m afraid these images will haunt me until I die, but also strengthen and mold me.

I hear so often and see posts on facebook and receive emails about “enjoying every minute” of being a Mom and see how others can sometimes struggle with parenthood. Sure, it’s hard and can be frustrating, but I have never and will never take it for granted. To have been so close to having this child slip away, I HAVE enjoyed every second. I’m taking it all in, I'm taking the time to appreciate it all. Every smile, every snuggle, and of course every cry too. I don’t think a day goes by that a tear is not shed. I know I’m an emotional person, but at night, when all is quiet and we’re relaxing in the rocker saying our prayers, and I give thanks to God for blessing us with Whitney, how can I not help but let a tear slip by? She’s here, and she’s doing awesome, and we’re witnessing it each and every day.